Time doesn’t heal all. When a tragic loss is fresh the grief can be unbearable. The denial is strong, the sorrow and pain is real. When it is fresh it feels you have reached the depths of where emotional loss and pain can take you. So often we hear that time heals all. Or that it will “get better” in time. For those who have grieved we know that is not always true. The reality is that it changes us forever and it can get more painful with time.
Each of us experience grief differently. There is a misconception that we heal from grief or that if you follow the stages of grief you will get over it and it will no longer be a dark cloud over you. Some people do feel as though they are ‘healed’ or that things get better with time but what if your story does not sound the same.
When you settle into your loss and everything around you starts to go “back to normal” but things for you will never be the same. In such a short time the loss becomes a part of you, it even can start to feel as if it defines you, widowed, motherless, childless and for some time others show extra care and sensitivity to you knowing you are grieving. Others may forgive unreturned calls and lack of focus in daily tasks or at work. As time passes others not close to the loss move on and don’t think about it as much. It may not be acknowledged by the outside world.
Your Grief Story is Unique
When it seems you should be moving on and not feeling the pain so deeply it hits you like a ton of bricks. So much time has passed but some of us feel that pain more than ever. Maybe we hang on to denial for a long time, refusing to believe or accept reality. After time when others no longer look at us as a person in mourning we feel alone and it hits harder. There are a million reasons why and it could be different for everyone. What we do know is that time doesn’t heal all, and that’s ok.
Time Doesn’t Heal All…..and that’s OK.
Grief can pop up at any time. It is a tricky little thing, one minute you may feel, wow this isn’t affecting me as much I thought it would and the next thing you know a wave of sadness, regret and guilt take over. Grief looks different for everyone. It manifests itself differently in areas of our lives and can feel like the ever present uninvited guest. Years can pass and your moments of grief are just as strong and painful and lonely as they were when your loss initially happened. Your grief may not look like others and that’s okay.
There are so many great ways to find support with your grief story. Counselors and therapists are more accessible than ever. Online and in person support groups can be found at the click of a button. Go here for more resources and grief support services